I’m a choir nerd. In high school, choir was pretty much everything. Well… when it wasn’t Choir it was Jazz Band (I play(ed) bass, so you know I’m cool). My dad was my choir teacher. That’s a lot of pressure, especially for a perfectionist-people pleaser. I committed to developing that choir-voice skill, and when I wanted to sing something other than choir pieces my dad would say “You gotta forget everything you know and just be you here, Carly, you gotta let go of that choir-voice and loosen up.” I’m nearing 27 and I think I’ve finally escaped the choir-voice curse (but only because I sing at insane decibels when I’m kid-free in the car… or in the shower. And you just gotta abandon the choir voice when you’re rockin’ the Mad Caddies. You have no other option.)
I have had this same issue with my writing. I’m a writer at heart, my passion since I could speak (which was extremely early because I have the best and most dutiful mother on the planet) has been writing. Reading and writing. Photography just sort of happened. It wasn’t planned by any means. Writing, though, that has always been in the back of my mind and on my heart – What am I going to do to get back to writing? Every time I sit down to blog, this weird choir-voice, super grammar-focused, no personality stuff spills out of me. And it’s like, where did you come from! I am not writing an owners manual! Get back, Jojo!
It’s unreal how difficult it is for me to “be real” here. Am I performing? Am I afraid of showing my imperfections? What keeps me from sharing that voice I’ve grown pretty familiar with (you know, my OWN.)
It’s New Year’s Day, January 1st. I am pretty used to failing at my resolutions (more on that later, though) but I’m going to share them anyway. And, you know what, I feel pretty good about these.
1) Write honestly and frequently (How am I doin’?)
2) Eat clean/minimally processed (Which involves a commitment we’ve made as a family, No Drive-Thru Food in 2014 & a new marriage to my Breville juicer. You can’t see it but I’m making kissy faces at said juicer.)
3) Move more, sit less (I bought a sweet yoga ball to sit on while I work at the computer and I’m trashing my office chair – speaking of, anyone in the market for a free, horribly uncomfortable chair that’s guaranteed to give you a hump-back? Anyone? Bueller?)
4) Read more, TV/movies less (Do I really need to elaborate here?)
5) Meditate every day (With my scriptures, journal, or just in silence repeating my mantra in my head, cross-legged on the floor… with kids climbing all over me asking for PB&J and Daniel Tiger.)
6) Be better. A better wife, mother, sister, friend, forgiver, apologizer… a better me.
And that’s it. You know, it annoys me that I have six items here, shouldn’t it be 5? Or 10? Something more “round”? Maybe I could add a 7) Let go. Seriously. Let. it. go.
Music that kept me company while writing this post: Lana Del Rey, the Xx, Lorde