In 2007 I was a brand new mom, with a brand new baby, spending most of my time in our little apartment in Rexburg, Idaho. I began blogging as a way to keep in touch with my family back home in Oregon, and show them all the cute things our baby, Stella, was doing. BFF Rachel and I spent hours, maybe even days, coding our sites to perfection. Scouring the internet for the perfect digital scrapbook papers and embellishments and new fonts to make our little corners of the internet our own. I remember day-long conversations consisting mostly of, “Hey, when you get a minute could you check my blog?” or, “I just can’t get this spacing right, what was that code again?” or, “Seriously, could you just log in and fix this for me…”. Blogging became a bit competitive. Who’s was prettiest, wittiest and most commented upon?
I tried so hard not to get sucked into the competition of it all, the comparison game was something I had long ago decided I didn’t want to be a part of… but my competitive nature just could never leave well enough alone. I soon set my blog to “private” just to give me a bit of peace over who was reading, commenting or not commenting, etc. and decided I was blogging for me, for my family, and no one else. But, Google Reader kept me abreast of all my favorite blogger’s most recent posts. I was invested in so many young moms through their writing and photos, most of them I’d never (and probably will never) meet. One that inspired me most was Nie Nie. Her cheerful, beautiful, clean and simple life gave me so much to aspire to. I wanted to be that apron-wearing, husband wooing, child-adoring, book reading and mini-Martha-Stewart mom. The glimpse into her world gave me hope that what I desired was achievable. Better yet, she’d disabled comments on her blog and I somehow felt comfort knowing that while she did have a following, she didn’t really care. She was doing this for her. That made it seem more personal each time I read her words, more “just for me” and less for show.
For those who are unfamiliar, Stephanie and her husband Christian were in a terrible plane accident in 2008. It was a tragedy that shook the internet – the blogger community as well as our church community (which always seems more tight knit in these tragedies) came together and watched with our breath held while our beloved Nie Nie lie sleeping in a coma for months, her sweet babies being raised by her sisters and her husband by her side.
Needless to say, I was “there” the day that Cessna fell from the sky. My mom and I bawled to one another over the phone, we prayed every day and fasted, too. Mom participated in the online fundraiser auctions, I proudly wore my “I Heart Nie” shirt. I became obsessed with Courtney “C Jane”‘s blog (Stephanie’s sister who provided a home for 3 of the Nielsen kids while Christian and Stephanie recovered) and fell even more in love with those beautiful Nielsen kids. My heart broke for them, those kids were on my mind every day, but somehow Courtney made it all seem so manageable… positive, even, most days.
Reading Heaven is Here is something I can’t believe I have put off for so long. With the end of Google Reader, I lost track of most of my favorite blogs and I never really got the hang of the new blog readers. They just weren’t the same. Anyway, I think losing touch with that minor obsession and all the bloggers involved was probably a good thing in the long run, but due to all that, it’s just something I haven’t been focused on for a few years. Even though I was aware of Nie Nie’s book, and had thought about buying it for myself a few times and had it on my Christmas wish list for years (haha!) I just hadn’t gotten around to getting my hands on it yet!!
I was listening to an NPR program a couple of months ago and the interviewee was discussing how literature is life changing and how we should not carry guilt about books we had not yet read. You know, a lot of the time we feel we have something to prove when it comes to the books we’ve already read. It can be embarrassing, for some reason, to admit we have not read something that everyone else seems to have read. But what he said really stuck with me… and this is paraphrased, I can’t track down the exact quote… but he said that books are there for us when we need them. We are drawn to read them at a time when we needed their message and at any other time their impact may have been lost on us. I think that’s exactly what happened with Heaven is Here. I needed Nie Nie’s voice in my life this week. As expected, I left this book edified and inspired in so many ways.
Stephanie tells the story in three parts: the courtship of she and Christian and their early marriage; the accident; the time after the accident leading up to now.
Every time-frame she tells of is filled with raw honesty. She shares her testimony of God, prayer, hope, motherhood and love so openly and in such a way that you can’t help but feel a deeper connection to your own story. Their courtship was adorable – I hope for these types of experiences for my daughters. Reading about her becoming a mother and wanting so much to fill her home with children was inspiring. And then, the accident… wow. I mean, I had “lived” that through C Jane’s blog and through the snippets we got on Nie Nie’s blog, but as heart-wrenching as it had been to watch through the lens of the blogs, it was nothing compared to reading Stephanie’s first hand account of those dark and trying days. I can’t even imagine. The accident itself and the recovery was harrowing and humbling. Reading all that she overcame… I just… I had no idea it was such a dark time.
I’m not a literature critic, so I can’t possibly give this book a professional review. I can tell you that the writing was beautiful. The memoir was beautiful. And Nie Nie is beautiful.
“Maturing as a mother is a gradual, but steady, process, if we let it unfold, and this decision to stop nursing before I’d originally planned to was one of my first steps. I can only do my best, and that’s all that matters, I’d tell myself. It wasn’t the last time that the physical demands of motherhood overcame my ideals. I’d never let go of the truly important things, but my criteria for what the important things were often realigned.”
“Let them look all they want. Let them go ahead and look at me, the luckiest mother alive.”
“I know, now, without a doubt that the true source of happiness, self-worth, and authentic beauty doesn’t come from the outside. Women are constantly being persuaded to want something unachievable, to look younger or thinner and above all to fit in because being different is too painful and embarrassing. I have accepted myself in a world that does not accept me, because I have learned [ . . . ] that our hearts matter most… It’s a beautiful heart, not a perfect body, that leads to a beautiful life.”
The moment I turned that last page I had to quickly hop onto the Nie Nie Dialogues and catch up on the last few months worth of posts. I follow her on Instagram, so I have seen their newest baby girl and their beautiful new home… but there is something so sweet about her written words. It was like receiving a phone call out of the blue from an old friend. I highly recommend this book, especially if you are feeling the need for a pick-me-up or a bit of perspective in your own life. Did not disappoint, and I know I’ll read it again!!
Nie Nie Dialogues
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